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Morning feed

Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. I always look forward to waking up in the mornings because I fully enjoy breakfast foods over anything else. I love the smell of warm bread, hearty hot cereals, fresh fruits, brewing coffee, and the sizzle of eggs and sausage in the morning. Ahhhh...But most of you might wonder what the picture of the Almond Butter is doing at the right of this blog. Well this post isn't likely to be about morning foods, but while I was sitting in my couch today watching morning cartoons (yes!) I had a jar of almond butter and I was eating straight out of the jar with a spoon. I have a way with peanut/almond/cashew butters. I would put in my oatmeals in the morning, place a smoonful in smoothies, use it as a dip (fave is Oreos and pbj), or I'll just plain eat it straight from the jar until my tongue hurts! LOL

This had me wondering what other people's weird food habits were...

Oh also going completely off tangent, today while I was walking towards the Subway in the disgusting 80 something degrees of sweat and frizz (NYC is so notoriously humid in addition to the dirty heat from all the cars' exhaust) a lost tourist came up to me and asked me where Penn Station was. I looked at him with remorse because it was a REALLY long walk away, considering we were in Chinatown's Little Italy. But I had directed him to take the Subway. So while we were walking we made some small talk. He told me how he was from England and he had traveled from Boston to NYC to do some site seeing before he heads to the University of Arizona to get his phD in Pharmaceutical studies (wowwww). I was amazed at his little travels since all he had on him was a big leather backpack. So I asked him how he was liking NYC so far and he replied, "I love it, it's very lively". Meanwhile I had told him that I've always wanted to visit England but he told me straight up, "you're not missing anything here". Well what can I say, NYC is the microcosm of the world!!!! Tourists in NYC can be very annoying. They cause traffic jams swiping their metrocards in the subway (no doubt my new friend had swiped his card backwards when we arrived at the train station), they take up the entire sidewalks, and they clog up the street ends of Canal street buying fake designer bags off bootleggers. But needless to say I actually enjoy their company. It's like having a new neighbor over. So next time you see a lost tourist, offer them a free tour guide of your city. You'll learn so much about them and the intricacies of where they're from :)

But anyways (jumping off again lol) I'm currently reading a very interesting book and I'll update you more of my input on it next time. Until then I'm bearing one more month of this dreaded summer. Thirty one more days until I go back to Cuse. WOOOOOOOOO!

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Size 0 is the New Size 8

On a quick note I apologize for not updating in awhile. I forgot my username and password...AGAIN.

So lately, I've been working my ass off at work and then running the Manhattan bridge with Lily right afterwards. It's tiring and I'm exhausted. I forgot how hard it was to lose weight. Besides the fact that you see terms related to weight loss and exercise, you bet I'm going to make comments about skinny bitches. -oh yeah

In the health clinic I'm currently working in over the

summer, almost the entire staff consists of skinny to moderate sized females. On an everyday basis I hear a lot of complaints about weight issues and today I've learned that a couple of my co-workers are engaged in a competition to see who loses the most weight by the end of the summer, and the loser treats to dinner. I mean I suppose it is a likely incentive to lose weight but on some occasions I see some of the girls really struggling to lose weight when in reality they are perfectly fine (I can say that right? Because these days when you say "fine" it means you're not hot or Megan Fox haha). Some would skip breakfast, lunch, or both. And by the end of the day they're starving so they binge on surgary junk.

But who am I to point out this problem right? I've had my fair share of faulty weight issues. In the past I would not tolerate to ingest anything past 4 grams of fat from real food in my mouth but I would settle for 16 grams of fat from junk food (cookies, cakes, pastries, ice cre

am, etc.). I've even tried banishing carbs from my diet... but that turned out terribly wrong because it made me eat twice as much than I normally would when I am exposed to carbs. It was frustrating trying so many different diets at once and in the end my regulatory and counter-regulatory hormones failed to balance my sugar level and chemical buildup.

Thankfully, I finally learned to appreciate food and I was introduced the wonders of exercise last summer. I was able to lose weight the right way last year and it made me enjoy exercising (such as jogging). BUT BIG BUTTTT... I gained it all back after being exposed to the Freshman15 curse. ughhh.. But hey that's just the cycle of life. But I am definitely taking it slow this time since I have pretty bad joints now from excessive running on hard pavement.

Over the past years girls have been feeling insecure about their body image. What used to be normal is considered fat. Even now I see that the new size 0 has turned to 00. That's right, two zeros. It's pretty much ridiculous seeing rail thin girls still having the energy to walk around. About 300 years ago, plump women were actually considered sexually attractive (now wouldn't that be a nice place to live in?). But in the end it all comes down to the nature of the country's culture. Which is why I'm really fed up with the whole concept of glorifying women based on the physical attributes and sexual encounters.

Really, when will we all just stop being skinny bitches?

Mad World

The past week has been a very devastating. I cannot grasp the fact that so many legends died one after the other, if not on the same day. First, it was the death of Ed McMachon, followed by Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson, and last Billy Mays. June is seriously depressing... deaths and weather wise.

But what I'm somewhat furiated by is the fact that most people do not receive the recognition they deserve until they've been displayed on their death beds. I remember during English class of my junior year in high school we were reading The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald. My teacher had told the class that although the book is considered an American classic and is read by readers all across America, it was not a best seller during its initial release and it has only sold around 20,000 copies during Fitzgerald's lifetime when he had published the book. After his death however, the book became an instant literary novel and readers and critics alike both have hailed his glory for championing the inner American social life of the roaring twenties. If only Fitzgerald were alive today he'd be a much happier man, but instead he died of a heart attack before he completed his upcoming novel, the Love of the Last Tycoon...

Sound familiar? That's because what we've been witnessing for the past few days is what Michael Jackson had endured. Surely, he did have a much better start than Fitzgerald, starting out as a tiny, lovable tot in the Jackson 5. He captured the heart and beat of America later on when he released his best selling album "Thriller", and entranced us with his dance moves.

But for the past few years, MJ was not recognized for any of his talents. Instead they were overshadowed by his questionable cosmetic procedures, baby scandals, and accusations of pedophelia. I remember when I was a child my parents told me that MJ was weird... they had said that he used to be black because he hated his father so he bleached the brown pigmentation of his skin and got a white man's nose. But I had resisted to such claims because I felt a sense of sympathy for him at a young age. There has to be a reason for his drastic change and I remember watching a documentary of MJ on tv. He was abused by his father before he even hit puberty. His father would call him "big nose" and he would lock MJ in a room to have sexual intercourse with girls because all his brothers had gone through it and his dad believed that MJ needed to "man up". Childhood torment is enough for me to believe how MJ's behaviors came to be today.

Like Fitzgerald, MJ had unfinished business. He was set for his "This Is It" tour in Europe for a comeback. But sadly his life too ended in heart failure. I think it's a smack in the face for America to have criticized MJ throught the past decades. I just wished MJ deserved more appreciation for his talents rather than his looks. SIGH at least now we will hear less of the cracked MJ jokes for the rest of what lies ahead.

Rest in peace Michael Jackson, as well as the others who have passed away.

I was once famous...

...for like a day?!

These days I've been feeling so nostalgic about high school that I went on my dead Myspace account and browsed through all my comments, photos, and videos. I can't believe how quickly people jump on bandwagons. Myspace used to be the most popular thing ever. I still remember how I wasted all my time developing my Myspace page by making layouts, writing in the About Me section, stalking people (haha I still do that on fb), and camwhoring.

But anyways back to what I was saying. I googled my high school and I came across an article that featured a group of students in my hs (myself included) that started a project called the Youth Vote Project. Basically the idea was simple: to have every senior in NYC register for the 2008 Presidential elections. I still remember having to call every single damn school in the city and getting rejected by the secretaries who thought it was all a joke.

Well I dug up the article, so please read. I will give out autographs if ya want ;)

http://www.nydailynews.com/ny_local/education/2008/06/02/2008-06-02_youth_voter_project_founder_thinks_out_o.html

Junk food and Writing Portfolio

...ugh too much sugary goodness.
Due to certain complaints of not having a comments section, I've decided to revert back to my old layout.

While munching on some good ole milk and cookies, I was rumaging through my living room junk and I found my old English Writing portfolio from senior year of highschool. And among all the graded papers I found my College Admissions Essay! I don't know if this was the one I submitted to Syracuse but it was a good read looking back at my writing style two years ago. Enjoy!

The Weather On-Ground by Sharrie Huang

If the world was brought upon by the sheer destruction in the loss of power, then I wouldn’t want to be apart of it. Because who I am and what I’m living for at the moment is the power of youth. Our world today is being polluted by the insanities of greed, hatred, and misunderstanding. Being apart of this world entitles us to carry out change in better hopes of greater peace. Currently there are too many events that have struck fear and disappointment in our hearts. There is the fear of channeling our mind and soul to muster strength, and the disappointment in our inabilities to stop the events in this world that has plagued the hearts of millions. I believe in being a champion for the power of youth to inspire the abilities of others to voice their opinions in society.

When we’re given the knowledge of what’s going on in the world, we should take initiative and start a process of change. Too often have people had doubts about thinking of ways to save all that is good in the world. How is it possible that we read news of the tremendous growing numbers of deaths in the world, from the killing of Burmese monks trying to protest against military rule, to the civil destruction of the genocide in Darfur, and still think about what we’re going to do on Friday night with our friends the next second? Many teenagers in this generation undergo a sense of mental deadening when we’re exposed to such tragedies. The numbers might seem like statistics, but they are very real and our emotional upbringing should allow it to affect us in many ways. Therefore I think it’s paramount that the youth in today’s generation do something about the damaging social effects in the world. If a problem arises there’s no safe bet to think it would fade away by itself. When there’s a problem and we don’t act on it, we’re just as responsible as anyone else.

In finding the inspiration to harbor such change, I remember watching a documentary, The Weather Underground, about the growth of youth in combat against the U.S. government in times of moral distress, racism, oppression, and the uneasiness of the Vietnam War. Similarly we’re almost living in that same era. However the notorious Weather Underground underwent acts of violence in protest for change. I disagree with the matters of violence because it should never be brought upon. Violence brings a contradictory image of fighting for peace and what is just. The common use of violence overshadows the agenda for peace and change.

Today we live in a world where youth triumphs the majority of the population. Being apart of the growing generation, the power I withhold is enough to start a change. It doesn’t have to be in a drastic form of matter. It can be as simple as petitioning, an act I find fond of. Although I can say these days it’s hard to get your point across by means of creating posters with a meaning because in the end there are chances that it gets taken down. But if people live by this type of fear then starting a change will be nonexistent. As by the famous aphorism of Emerson, “what lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us.” The veracity speaks its matter as the power to create change in society is within us all the time. I favor the idea of starting early in our youth to develop a sense of the greater good in which we choose to pursue, only time will tell when our buds will bloom.

5 FRIGGN HOURS

Finally, it's COMPLETE! After 5 hours of painful editting and mixing around some html junk I FINALLY finished my layout. ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh. It's very plain because I actually went through several layouts and it was all too complicated. So I really wasted a lot of images I editted.

Unfortunately, as you can see there is no longer a comments link. I tried fixing that but I couldn't get it right, so as of right now there are no comments section. I'm going to see if I can make a comment box instead... But seriously as of right now my neck hurts, eyes drained, and I feel a carpal tunnel coming on.

Also there's only 1 post shown, however on the right side bar I made a link to my previous posts so you can always go back and read it if you missed it for the week :) (I'm so considerate I know)

"Sky of Love"

I urge everyone to watch the movie, Koizora (Sky of Love). Yes, it's an asian love movie but it's really heart warming and I haven't seen one like this in a long while. Plus the male lead actor is really cute so that's always a plus.

Yeah, really nothing much new except it's STILL raining here in the city. I hate the month of June it's so wet and humid. Anyways tomorrow's (well it's 12:01am now so tech today) is Father's Day. I didn't get my dad anything :( But honestly I don't think he even has a clue that we're supposed to be in a celebratory spirit. I guess dinner's on me?

i close,
this has been 13% your DV of junk.

WHAAAAT???

I did NOT know my blog had comments!!!!!! LOL I'm so oblivious. I didn't think anyone would care enough to post... But it's not like I even tell people I have a blog to begin with. Anyways thanks for the comments. I will read them daily now haha.

Today I went to see Up in 3D. Once again, another moving and brilliantly designed movie by Disney&Pixar. I cannot wait for the next project.

So it's a Friday night and I'm at home revisiting my 90s pop cds. I've been feeling quite nostalgic about the good ole days. And they definitely do not make music like they used to. I feel like most songs are either about extravagant items, glamourizing sex and women, and basically seling one's own self image. But it's the music industry, so that stuff actually works. Why can't we al be a Susan Boyle hm? So anyways here's a list of the cds I'm importing onto my itunes:

1. Britney Spears
Album:...Baby One More Time

Fave Songs: Baby One More Time, Born to Make You Happy, Sometimes, From the Bottom of My Broken Heart, E-mail My Heart, I Will Be There

This is my favorite out of all her albums. Her voice was much more powerful and soulful and despite her sexual progression throughout the years, I STILL LOVEEE her as to this day.

2. Nsync

Album: Nsync

Fave Songs: Tearin Up My Heart, Here We Go, God Must Have Spent A Little More Time On You, I Want You Back, I Drive Myself Crazy

I first heard of Nsync in the recreational swimming pool up in Trail, B.C. (where I was born). And even though I was only 8 years old at the time, I fell in love. ahahahaha

3. Eden's Crush
Album: Get Over Yourself

Fave Songs: Get Over Yourself, Glamourous Life, I Wanna Be Free, Love This Way

Quick Fact: Did you know that Nicole Scherzinger of the Pussycat Dolls was in this PopStar's girl band? It was a singing competition back in the days and they were really big at one point.

4. Dream

Album: It Was All A Dream

Fave Songs: He Loves U Not, This is Me, I Don't Like Anyone, Pain

Diddy's banddddd hahaha

5. Christina Aguilera

Album: Message In A Bottle

Fave Songs: Genie In a Bottle, What a Girl Wants, I Turn to You, So Emotional, Come On Over, Reflection, Blessed, Love Will Find a Way

This girl never fails in vocals. I really liked the majority of her songs in her first album. And the battle between her and Britney, I always favored Britney only because I liked her first. And it's hard to come between my loyalty. But Christina was definitely the better singer.

6. Backstreet Boys

Album: Millenium

Fave Songs: Larger Than Life, I Want It That Way, Show Me the Meaning of Being Lonely, Back To Your Heart, It's Gotta Be You, The One

Remember how annoying it was for boys having their girl's attention taken away by this boyband? Lemme remind you "OHHHHHHHHHHH MY GODDDDDD (INSERT BSB NAME, MINE WAS BRIAN)!!!! AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU, MARRY ME!!!!"

7. 3LW

Album: Neva Get Enuff

Fave Songs: No More (Baby I'ma Do Right), Playas Gon Play, One More Time

Yo, back in the days this girl group was straight up gangsta. I mean look at the way they spell their tracks! It was pretty big for pre-teens. And yes you know I had Uptowns, baby phat, fetish, and ecko red shizzzzzzzzz. It was the worse phase of my life (and short lived).

And there is definitely much much more. But I'm actually getting kinda lazy from having to search up their album covers and editing all the mumbo jumbo. So I'll leave it here for you and please revisit your old cds and tell me which were your fave :)

i close,

this has been 12% your DV of junk.

FML*

Seriously, now that I look back and compare... I see it oh so clearly now. AND SO DO YOU VIEWERS!!! Now no one can say that I didn't gain a fucking pound to make me feel better about myself. haha

STORY OF MY LIFE:

I told myself Freshman15 was a myth. I encountered it, tried to fight it, failed. fml i'm fat and don't you deny it.

TIP: please don't wear sweats in college if you don't want to see cascading fat down your midriff.

And so sorry for those who had to see this. I mean I guess the pictures seem a bit far fetched since I compared one of my better pictures to my caught off guard one haha. ENJOY!!!! :)

P.S. Please click on the image to enlarge

i close,

this has been 11% the DV of junk.

Layout in the Works

I haven't updated in awhile and I hope this won't become a regular habit. Anyways I've decided to work on a custom layout for my blog. Hopefully all goes well... in the meantime you (haha Eugene) will just have to wait it out!

"Warrior"

Paintballing was soooo much fun today. I didn't know I had so much in me :)
This week I've been feeling great. I went to the gym, exercised, and ate right all week. And to top it off, I've already lost 3 pounds! I'm finally feeling the sense of motivation.

Anyways I was watching a korean drama, Full House. And I really wonder why women reject such good men who cared so much for them but never returned the favor. And it's right after once the same man gets over the woman and move on did the women finally come to her senses to give the man a chance... I'm not complaining because I've fallen under that category before. Sigh you know this is why I hate watching korean dramas because it makes you reflect a lot on your own personal life.

Okay well I really don't have much to say, sad as it is. My blogs are getting shorter and shorter :(

i close,
this has been 9% your DV of junk.

Lost, Ugly Betty, and Game 2 of the NBA Finals...

...were just some of what I was watching while making my first friendship bracelet. Well I'm proud to announce that I finally finished and it does look like a bracelet so I can't say it's the worse thing I've ever made. I'm planning to learn more patterns, but this design was pretty clean and simple.

In other news the Dragon Lady whom I'm working with at the clinic is going on a 5 week vacation to Hong Kong, so that means I won't be seeing her at work. Now most would probably think I'm overly thrilled and ecstatic but I think I'm really going to miss her. Even though she can be strict sometimes, I actually enjoy talking to her at work (even if it means A LOT of brown nosing). Oh and recently I found out that there's this other kid around my age working at the clinic on some days when I'm off and I think he's the one screwing up the charts while filing! And to think everyone was blaming it on me...

This post is going to be really short because well just because.

i close,

this has been 8% the DV of junk.

Living in another time zone

Lately my sleeping pattern has been so screwed. I'd sleep when the sun is almost up... it's almost 5am right now and I kind of want to go to sleep but I had already slept the entire night when I got back from work. I'm actually liking work now. I talked to my supervisor and surprisingly, she was a graphic design student! I asked how on Earth she ended up as a clinical receptionist, and she told me how she used to work there as a part time job when she was studying in New York. Up until now she's still trying to perfect her art portfolio. She also added to the fact that our economy is so bad and working at the clinic was a steady pay for her. This makes me realize that most of what we want to be is really all based on money, because money leads to happiness? I really wish my conception of this idea was not true though. I feel like I need to shipped off into another country where money is limited, but happiness comes in a surplus. Often times I feel like living in America is all based on exterior motives. People in society judge you by your appearance, job, family unit, etc. It really affects me personally because it makes my future iffy. Right now in college I'm taking all health/pre-med courses. Now lemme tell you, when I was a youngin' the first career that popped into the little untainted head of mine was to be an artist. Every year I would get a new paintset (my first one was a beautiful Cinderella themed one ^_^). On a daily basis, I would paint pictures for my parents. I enjoyed drawing intricate characters and the clothing they wore. I was really inspired by anime characters, such as Sailor Moon and Doraemon. And I would always paint a picture of parents, especially my mom. My dad and I loved making fun of her even up until now. So I would always paint my mom in monster-esque colors. tehehe. I'd wish to post a painting I had made, but it's lost somewhere in my room...

Anyways back to the point, I'm taking all these difficult science, math, and health classes and it really sucks major chicken ass for me right now. My second semester gpa was atrocious. The only classes that I did really well on was my Sociology and Psychology class (note, non-science related). I also did well in my Aerobics class too (yay phys-ed!). I know I'm not going to be a great doctor because I can't uphold all those responsibilites of my patients. And think how desensitized I would be looking at sick patients all the time. On an episode of Grey's Anatomy, I see how broken Dr. Shepherd was when he killed his patient due to a medical error. It's too much to bear.

At the same time, I'm really confused about what I really want to be. If it wasn't all for the money... I think I would end up as an elementary or middle school teacher or a magazine editor/style columnist. I think those two jobs fit me perfectly. I guess this is the reason why I enjoy playing the Sims, because I get to be God and take course of how I really want to live my life instead of living it up to the expectations of being rich and happy with white picket fences. I don't really know what to do with my future, because I see myself as a very unhappy physical therapist in the long run. Maybe I should join the Peace Corps or something. I feel like I need to embark on an adventure to figure out what it is I desire and most importantly where my happiness lies.

p.s. i finally got a layout foundation in mind.. might take a couple of weeks to make though because I can never seem to find the time to revisit old efforts. plus i have a lot of brushing up to do.

i close,
this has been 7% your DV of junk.

girls and their stupid problems

Lately, I've been really depressed. I don't want to admit it because then I will be seen as weak for having these thoughts. But ever since I entered college I've been opened up to so many food choices and it drove my eating habits insane. I entered college hearing about freshman 15, I scoffed at it because there was no way in hell I would let myself gain 15 pounds within 3/4 of a year. I've always been the one to work out and make healthy choices. Everything seemed to be in place until the end of October when my eating habits started to change. Suddenly, there were late night snacking thanks to the convenient site of Campusfoods, vending machines in every lobby, Wings, and living right next to Kimmel Dining hall didn't help either. And the worst part was I didn't even know I gained all this weight because I wore sweats all the time.

Now I'm over 20lbs heavier and I don't fit into many of my pants. Since I came back from college I've been living in sweatshorts and big hoodies. I'm too ashamed to let others see how bad it's gotten. I mean everyone sees the drastic changes, but they won't admit it. And it doesn't help when they say, "Oh I don't notice the difference" or "You look fine", because I don't feel fine at all. But I really do appreciate all those comments, it's just at this stage I'm in right now, I can't let those words get to me because if I do think that i look just fine then I'll just get heavier. Because I'm just going to think, "Oh yeah I look fine, another cookie won't hurt because you know I look just fine." It's not going to help that way...

I'm depressed for the reason because I let my body get to this stage. I didn't take care of myself. And now I have high cholesterol and other problems... And it's been so hard on me because I love running, but now I have terrible knee problems so I can't even run as fast or as far as I used to. I feel like losing weight is impossible for me. And it's even more shameful for me to say that I've been making up stupid excuses not to see my friends because I don't want them to see how heavy I've gotten. I mean I know I'm not fat... but I'm not exactly how I used to be either. It's hard on me because I've always been skinny. And ever since I was a child I had the ability to eat everything and anything and not even gain an ounce of fat. But now my body's changing and it's adapting to the changes in my hormone level so my eating habits should alter as well. I don't know if my friends can feel what I'm feeling right now. I look at my brother and my father and they're so skinny, I always thought I had my father's genes to have a slim physique. But I guess I take after my mother? hahahahahaha...

Sigh... what I really need is some help from my friends. But lately no one wants to go running with me or even hit the gym. Last year I was able to lose ~15 lbs because my ex-bf ran with me everyday. He encouraged me to run not faster, but just longer than the day before. And seeing him run 2 marathons inspired me to run too. But now that he's out of the picture I feel like I have no one to look up to. I hate doing this alone. And I hate seeing the grotesque image in the mirror everyday I wake up.

I know I shouldn't feel like this but it's all I ever think about at night... Which is why I'm still up at 4:00am in the morning. Still pondering with frustration.

"Eat to live. Don't live to eat."

i close,
this has been 6% your DV of junk.

Vlogs?

So I apologize for missing an update, but seriously my life is not too interesting to be writing new blogs everyday. I was thinking of possibly making a vlog? I need to create a new youtube account to upload my vids because apparently I forget my password to everything (i had already changed the password to this blog three times -.-)

Hopefully my vlogs will be a lot more interesting than what's laid out to you in black and white. And word of caution, i don't have a Mac so my videos will probably end up looking blurred or pixelated. But I'll try my best...

SERIOUSLY I WANT A MACBOOK!

....way more than this guy.

p.s. i'm also thinking about working up a new layout. but my html skills are dusty and flaked

i close,
this has been 5% your DV of junk

adam sandler purchases a universal remote at BB&B

So apparently my diet and exercise regimen is failure. But I've made a bet to lose 10lbs by the end of the summer. I just really need some support and motivation from my friends. It's hard doing it alone and temptation is so easy to give into.

I decided to take up on an easy jog today from Williamsburg all the way to the Staten Island ferry. It reminded me of old times when I used to run this path almost everyday last summer. Only this time I was alone. When I got to Staten Island ferry, I decided to take a stroll down Battery Park. I looked disgusting among the sea of tourists lol. I think I walked around for a good half an hour until I decided to head to Bed Bath and Beyond. I just absolutely loveeeeeee going into home goods stores. There are so many items to buy and abosolutely nothing worth getting! I did however see this awesome comforter, duvet set, pillow and bed sheets, and a sham all for $99 and it came in this neat drawstring package. I WANT IT! But then again I want many things. This summer I'm trying to save up for an Asus netbook worth about $400. On the other hand, I really really really want the new Macbook more than anything. But I feel too guilty asking my mom to get it for me. She's been working up two jobs lately, literally working over 12 hours a day.

Sigh... oh incase you're wondering, I ended up purchasing a digital scale and a 64oz water container from Bed Bath and Beyond. It's practical... and it was less than $40 total!!!! (Not exactly a great bargain but my purchases are no longer worthless impulses)

i close,
this has been 4% the DV of junk

in my dreams will i ever pass my driver's test

...actually it's NOT EVEN in my dreams will i ever pass my driver's test. Apparently my lack of driving skills dares itself to haunt me in my sleep...
I was at my cousin's house one cold night and i got really bored so I went outside to read a book in my dad's car. I got inside and sat on the passenger seat when suddenly the car started moving and going down a hill. Needless to say I was in trouble. I thought I was going to die as the vision of my last car accident flashed right before my eyes again. I didn't even say a prayer as a I struggled on the floor trying to hit the brakes with my hands (I know right wth?). As the car kept going and going it went straight through many green lights as passengers nearby honked and yelled. I just kept saying to myself that I was going to die and my dad would kill me. I struggled and struggled trying with all my might to extend my left arm to reach the brakes as I'm struggling to stand up in the raging car. Eventually I gave up trying to reach the brakes and decided to climb up to the driver's seat and take the wheel. I stood up half way trying to keep my balance and sort of rolled over to take the wheel. -I had succeeded. But this time I was in the ride for my life. More and more cars came in my way as I tried to swerve past them. Eventually I drove further and further trying to hit the brakes at the right moment as I came upon a dead end. This time I really had to stop or I'd crash. Frightened by the thought of my last crash encounter, I turned the wheel left and hit the brakes as hard as I could. And finally I came to a halt. I got out of the car.. not knowing where I was. I felt like crying and I should've gotten back in the car to drive myself back to my cousin's house. But my common sense was harbored by my fears of death and driving again. So I started running towards a crowd of people walking in two lanes, leaving the car behind. One lane was going north and the other going south. Not knowing which path took me back to my rightful place, I decided to head north and see if I could recognize a familiar surrounding. The walk kept on going and going for a really long time. Eventually I asked someone next to me where this path was headed and he replied, "Minnesota". WTF? I WAS HEADING TOWARDS MINNESOTA?!!!! I quickly switched lanes and the moment I started heading South I saw my high school friends. I was relieved to see familiar faces. I told them my situation and they laughed and reminded me how screwed I was.

I finally got back to my cousin's house and I tried to look for my dad and tell him the whole situation plus.. he had to get his car back because there's no way in hell I could've drove again. Unfortunately my dad wasn't there so I decided to go back once again and follow the crazy trail of my dad's car embedded all over the soft white snow on the ground. I went out but it started getting cold and snowy and I was wearing my sleeping shorts by then. I got back in the house to change into sweats but I couldn't find it under the heaping pile of clothes (even my messy clothes in my room haunts me in my sleep!). After awhile of searching I grew tired and fell asleep, noting myself that I'll retrieve the car once I wake up...

...and so I woke up to reality. But the funny thing was I was panicing because I still had the thoughts of my dad's lost car instilled in my head. I was still in my shorts and the same hoodie I was wearing from my dream. I was so confused because half of my brain was telling me that I have the duty to retrieve that car and the other half was telling me that it was all I dream. I felt like calling my dad and asking him where exactly did he park his car to make sure that it didn't match the setting of my dream. After going through every possible detail of my dream I finally came to a conclusion that it was just all a figment of my nightmare. It couldn't have been real because it was snowing in my sleep and it's close to summer time in reality. Still the dream was so intense it led me to believe that it was real.. and it drove me insane -.-


From this little head trip of mine I think I fear driving even more now. And what was once a goal of getting my liscence when I'm 25 has now gotten pushed back a few more years...possibly to never?

i close,
this has been 3% your DV of junk.

leave for exit 16

Happy Memorial's Day!
I really wish I were at a BBQ event right now. But instead my entire family went upstate to do our annual shopping at Woodbury. This is one of the rarer opportunities to hang out as a family. I wish my family spent more time together. We never eat dinner together anymore, and to be honest these past couple of weeks I haven't even had a full family sit in for supper. I also wish my family was more emotionally unfettered. I don't think I've ever said, "i love you", to my parents. It's not exactly a very Asian thing to do- especially for Chinese families. I feel like if we want to express our emotions, everything has to be presented through our actions. While we were shopping today, I realized my mom gets teased a lot by everyone in the family. My brother easily gets irritated by her, and that includes me and my dad too. I feel bad that I respond to her with a sense of annoyance. Even though I love her as my mother, it's very difficult for me to show it. I'm just really scared that if anything were to ever happen to her, it would be too late to express how much I really care for her. But as her daughter, I think this situation is pretty unconditional. Still... I think it's difficult to be a mother and never hear the three simple words coming from your children...

i close,
this has been 2% of your DV of junk.

running my summer

Wow. Keeping up with blogging has came a long way since my junior high school days. FYI, I got suspended in seventh grade for posting a one sentence blog about how I hate my teacher for giving us unnecessary punishments. Needless to say, my blogging ways were short lived. I guess I'm back because I'm jumping into a bandwagon... and also I need something to do on the computer. I'll try to update as much as possible. DISCLAIMER: i get real lazy.

My layout is lame.
I forgot a lot of junk and deal with HTML and photoshop. But I'll see if I can whip up something in the long run.

This summer is really dull. I'm spending the majority of my time either working or going to the gym. My freshman weight gain has gotten me really depressed. And honestly hearing, "You're so skinny!" or "Where does it all go?" doesn't exactly make it better either. I'm trying to control my oral fixation but my weight depression is only making it worse. I end up eating twice as much. Fuck my weak willpower. I want to wear jeans again!! -Sorry you have to read about a nasty rant about girl problems. I think you get and hear that enough from other skinny bitches. oh excuse my french on this blog.

I'm working at a chinese health clinic throughout the rest of my summer. At first I was really peevish about the whole thing. I'm surrounded by ten other co-workers and they're very limited in speaking english. Aside from that, I'm sure many have heard about the infamous "Dragon Lady" whom I get annoyed of. On my first day of work, she literally glowered at me and blamed whatever that went wrong in the clinic on me. But of course, being the newbie at work makes me the scapegoat to everyone's problems. I was silly to cry that day in the little girl's bathroom. But what can I say, I cry easily. But honestly, as the days have gone by I'm actually getting really accustomed to everything now. Just recently I got promoted from filing to making phone calls to patients (I just love talking to the little grandpoppies on the other line. hehe). And my relationship with the "Dragon Lady" is getting better too. The other day while I was sorting out scheduled charts, she sat down with me and talked about what I'm planning to major in. I told her about possibly pursuing physical therapy and she literally scoffed at my response..okay but that's not the point. She gave me a lot advice and options that I can work with in the health field. But I'm still hemming and hawing about what I want to be. We also talked about how college has changed since the last few years. It's gotten much more expensive. She told me that she had to spill out 52K for her son's education at Carnegie Mellon. She likes to talk about her son often during work and how much he has grown. She even mentioned how she never hit him.. and that really got to me. I guess she is very human after all. I should stop calling her the Dragon Lady. But it has a very mythical oomph to it.

Today is my best friend's birthday (i love how i never transition in new thoughts). I feel bad that I didn't do anything more with her. We basically met up two hours later than the original time and what did we end up doing? -Running the manhattan bridge of course!

yay cardio. nay my messed up knee joints.

i close,
this has been 1% of your DV of junk.