Living in another time zone

Lately my sleeping pattern has been so screwed. I'd sleep when the sun is almost up... it's almost 5am right now and I kind of want to go to sleep but I had already slept the entire night when I got back from work. I'm actually liking work now. I talked to my supervisor and surprisingly, she was a graphic design student! I asked how on Earth she ended up as a clinical receptionist, and she told me how she used to work there as a part time job when she was studying in New York. Up until now she's still trying to perfect her art portfolio. She also added to the fact that our economy is so bad and working at the clinic was a steady pay for her. This makes me realize that most of what we want to be is really all based on money, because money leads to happiness? I really wish my conception of this idea was not true though. I feel like I need to shipped off into another country where money is limited, but happiness comes in a surplus. Often times I feel like living in America is all based on exterior motives. People in society judge you by your appearance, job, family unit, etc. It really affects me personally because it makes my future iffy. Right now in college I'm taking all health/pre-med courses. Now lemme tell you, when I was a youngin' the first career that popped into the little untainted head of mine was to be an artist. Every year I would get a new paintset (my first one was a beautiful Cinderella themed one ^_^). On a daily basis, I would paint pictures for my parents. I enjoyed drawing intricate characters and the clothing they wore. I was really inspired by anime characters, such as Sailor Moon and Doraemon. And I would always paint a picture of parents, especially my mom. My dad and I loved making fun of her even up until now. So I would always paint my mom in monster-esque colors. tehehe. I'd wish to post a painting I had made, but it's lost somewhere in my room...

Anyways back to the point, I'm taking all these difficult science, math, and health classes and it really sucks major chicken ass for me right now. My second semester gpa was atrocious. The only classes that I did really well on was my Sociology and Psychology class (note, non-science related). I also did well in my Aerobics class too (yay phys-ed!). I know I'm not going to be a great doctor because I can't uphold all those responsibilites of my patients. And think how desensitized I would be looking at sick patients all the time. On an episode of Grey's Anatomy, I see how broken Dr. Shepherd was when he killed his patient due to a medical error. It's too much to bear.

At the same time, I'm really confused about what I really want to be. If it wasn't all for the money... I think I would end up as an elementary or middle school teacher or a magazine editor/style columnist. I think those two jobs fit me perfectly. I guess this is the reason why I enjoy playing the Sims, because I get to be God and take course of how I really want to live my life instead of living it up to the expectations of being rich and happy with white picket fences. I don't really know what to do with my future, because I see myself as a very unhappy physical therapist in the long run. Maybe I should join the Peace Corps or something. I feel like I need to embark on an adventure to figure out what it is I desire and most importantly where my happiness lies.

p.s. i finally got a layout foundation in mind.. might take a couple of weeks to make though because I can never seem to find the time to revisit old efforts. plus i have a lot of brushing up to do.

i close,
this has been 7% your DV of junk.